If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
