you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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