i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
