doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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