My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
