Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
