Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
