addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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