So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
