So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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