Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So vagazzling was a success
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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