It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
