first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
