If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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