I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
