we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
