So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
