He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
