You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
