Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Use "feeling words"
Yay
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
