in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
