You really coming over, don't trick.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
