hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
