Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Farmville is her only friend.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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