I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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