I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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