She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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