What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
