I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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