Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
