You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
