You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
