Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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