well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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