Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
