i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
