When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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