can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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