Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
