I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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