Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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