So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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