Duck Duck Cougar?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
