why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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