tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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