but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
