My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
