I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
