census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
