I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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