using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
